Monday, December 29, 2008

The Clock Is Ticking

I haven't been updating much. I know, and I'm sorry. Sometimes I sit for hours in front of my comp and wonder what to write. Lol. And then I'll be like, "Ahh nevermind, I'll blog when the mood strikes me again, or when I've found my source of inspiration."

I guess it's not easy maintaining a blog, having to update it every once in a while before it becomes stale and soon, no one comes to visit you anymore. Which is kinda sad, really. That's why I don't want my blog to wear out on you guys. It's the place where I can just freely express my thoughts and connect with people through words.

I've been going out quite alot this month, compared to last month. Last month was a total bore. I think I spent most of my time at home, rotting away or something like that. But December offered more surprises, and now my parents complain that I've been going out alot. I'm just trying to enjoy the holidays as much as possible before college reopens, which is on January 5th - next Monday. I haven't enrolled yet. I'm going to enrol on Thanksgiving Day :)

Maxis is a nutcase. I used to think that Maxis was better than Digi, but maybe that's only true to a certain extent. Firstly, I keep getting stupid calls from people demanding for a guy named Ismadi bin somethingsomething. I think that Maxis forgot to terminate his line, and unfortunately, I had to inherit it. Secondly, sometimes when I send out text messages to people, they can't receive it. Or, when they message me, I don't receive it. =/ It's really weird. So once again, it's Maxis.

By the way, I haven't driven since I passed my driving exam, which was on the 10th. Err, that's almost 3 weeks ago. =/ My mom had promised to let me test-drive her auto car, but you know what they say: talk is cheap. Now, I'm worried about my parking skills. How do you do your estimation without those 7 sticks? I need sticks. Haha. Paranoid.

I watched Yes Man. It wasn't too bad. Jim Carrey looked alot older though.

I'm addicted to Daytona. Although I'm still noobish. But okay la. I won some people ;) Tee hee.

I've been stoning alot with my ipod. You know how sometimes you just feel like staring into space and not talking? My ipod is great company.

I read A Place Called Here by Cecilia Ahern and I nearly dozed off. =/

I miss my best friends. I miss my college friends. I miss.. well, basically everyone I haven't seen in a while :)

And I'll definitely be missing those whom I won't be seeing anymore in a long, long time.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Cheers

So, here's a recap of my last visit to Singapore! I was there for a few days, and unfortunately, I did not get to go to Sentosa Island, although I badly wanted to. >.< style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAdnYip9WL908sCvgW3jBapSoDLP0VcLmmucUO9db1ElaeBjRWLuZXXfv9WV6cCwSkZksloc01o4f-yShtM2TyxnfJ_IppMQPav3TU6wWvpgsyCVG2tcarrlOZKF9IRYUtkSBaKH37yYsP/s400/IMG_0837.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5282983932601705522" border="0">


So hard to walk. Claustrophobics should reconsider their entrance into Bugis Street. It's like Petaling Street. Except their stuff have a little more quality. If you want to talk about sales, well, there wasn't anything great actually. I guess I was a little disappointed with Singapore this year. Last Christmas when I went there, the sales were HUGE. But this year, shopping wasn't all that fun anymore. Maybe that's because the exchange rate has increased, so everything costs a little more when you convert it back to Malaysian ringgit.

My aunt took us to Fish & Co. on Saturday for lunch. (There'a Fish & Co. outlet at One Utama, btw) If you're someone who enjoys western delicacies and fish, this is a place not to miss!



We had the seafood chowder, which consisted of carrots and scallops boiled to perfection. The texture was creamy and succulent, with a light sprinkle of parsley on top.


My aunt ordered fried calamari. It came with salad and chilli sauce. The calamaris were crispy and tasty. Within minutes, they were gone. My cousins are big eaters. >.< And then there was the house specialty - fish & chips with buttered lemon sauce! You can have a choice of chips or pan-fried yellow rice. Fork-lickin' good.

Oh, and this is Cadence, my 4-year-old cousin who rambles on and on like a little bullet train. But she's so cute and adorable - you just have to love her :) Seriously, for her age, she speaks excellent English! And she's only entering kindergarten next year.
Once, her mother's friend was playing a game with her and she lost to Cadence. So the woman laughed and said, "Oh no! You cheated me!"
But Cadence said, "I didn't cheat you. I tricked you."

I see huge potential in this little girl :)

Singaporean children are funny. They just get so excited over water and fountains.
At that exact same spot last year, I witnessed a bunch of little children playing there, naked.

As for transportation, we went on the bus and MRT alot. I must say that it's very convenient, but it can be really boring if it becomes a daily routine. There are days when the busses and MRT trains are packed and you have to stand all the way. Imagine going through the same routine every single day. But that's life there. And Singaporeans are already so used to it.

That night, we went to my uncle's clubhouse because the adults wanted to go to the karaoke.
There was lots of chips and beer on the table, and they were singing to old Hokkien and chinese songs that only my grandmother would've known. Haha. Don't get me wrong - some Hokkien songs have a nice tune. But when my relatives sing, they put in so much of emotion into the song that it sounded like they were about to cry. They made the song seem so pitiful.

Blame the beer for that.

I felt myself surrounded by a bunch of emotional adults. So I left and went downstairs to see what my cousins were doing. The kids were playing in the indoor playground, and the guys were playing cards. Chor Dai Dee. My all time favorite card game!! XD


There should be a manual on how to use a slide for kids who don't know XD


This is Yan Yan. She just turned 1 a few months ago. When I saw her, I kept going, "Wow!! She has so much hair now!" And the maid was like, "Please lah!! She was not botak okay!!"

Oh, here's something for you. I managed to get a very unique souvenir in a form of a picture.
See the little boy in the white? Look at his eyes.
Go on, tell me what you think. You can click to enlarge it.

PS: And I promise, I did not do anything to this picture.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Sean's Birthday

Someone turned 16 on Saturday! :D Yeah, I know this post is a little late, but I just got back from Singapore and I only managed to upload the pics minutes ago. Hehe. Pardon me =)
But like I promised, pictures!!!

So we got to Sean's place at 10 pm, and I met his dog, Champ (so adorable!!). One funny thing about Champ is that he grabs legs and starts hugging them or something. I heard Sean saying that Champ "harms" legs. I was confused, until I realized he meant "humps". The dog humps anything. Haha. Even the bolster. Maybe it was the mating season, or the dog's just plain horny XD

That was Sean's birthday cake. I think it was Oreo Cheese. Yum!
(Sean, since you said you didn't know what's written on the cake, take a good look now!)

What's a party without some pictures, right? :D

Lewis, Sean, Bryan, Zoe, Me and Amanda

Kathy, who came all the way down from Singapore! :)

Sean, Adam, Ming & Kathy.
Adam had cake in his mouth. Haha.

At around 11.30 pm, we left for Mont Kiara Plaza, where we camwhored tons... and played the Hide And Seek game. Lol. We broke off into 3 groups, and one group would seek while the other 2 groups would hide in the parking lot. There were about 5 levels in the parking lot, I think. I just remember running up and down many flights of stairs. So it had to be about 5. XD Geesh. I haven't ran so much in ages! Within minutes, my face turned pink. Thus explains why I looked red in the pictures below.

Joce, Me and Jer Mayn

=D

Ming the Ramli Burger lover.

=p

I remember this one really clearly!
We were thinking of what pose to do, and then Zoey (in yellow) suddenly yelled "Look! A flying cockroach!" and pointed into the night.
All of us panicked and asked "Where??? Where???"
Then Zoey said "No. I was talking about the pose."
LMAO.
Thus, the 'flying cockroach' pose was born that night XD

Zane, Jocelyn, Sean and Amanda

Honestly! What is that pose?! :P

Breakdancers!!
Adam, Kathy and Ming on the floor.

The carpark was pretty deserted, as it was after midnight. And when Jer Mayn suddenly went missing, we all got worried sick. Plus there wasn't any network coverage in the carpark. After 30 long minutes of searching the entire carpark, we finally found her in McDonalds. The air was filled with relief. Phew!

Jer Mayn's so cute.
Look at her happy face :)

I met some new people that day. And I still remember their names :D Zane, Zoe, Terence, Vern, Bryan, Keith and Lewis. Cool peeps. I left around 1.45 am, I think. By the time I got home, I was sooo tired I slept like a log. Haha. But I had fun!

And yes, Sean ended up a very happy, smiley-faced boy that night. :)


PS: I uploaded the whole lot of pics on Facebook, btw. Hehe. Cheerios! :)

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Here Again

I'm in Singapore! :D I got here yesterday afternoon and went straight to my uncle's place in Jurong West. I can't upload pics here because this isn't my computer - so I'll post them when I get back.

On Tuesday, it was Sean's birthday! It was so fun. (I have the pics with me, and I'll post them up as soon as I get home XD) More on that later, like I said, when I get home. =D

Sorry, I'm just updating because I don't feel good leaving my blog abandoned for days.

Anyway, here's a little something that doesn't require any photographs to prove anything.

Singapore rocks XD
Hahaha yes I know I don't have much of the "Malaysia Boleh!" spirit. I lose it everytime I get here.
Anyway, I don't think there's much planned for today.. except shopping at either Bugis or Orchard, and then my relatives want to go karaoke-ing at my uncle's club house. =.= Karaoke-ing with them would mean... listening to old Chinese songs being belted out at the top of the lungs.
I'm getting back on Sundayyy. Shweeet.
Happy Hollies, people :P

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Lmao

I went for the PC Fair event in KL yesterday. It was packed to the brim. So not cool.

They had loads of stuff on sale, from ipods and cameras to laptops and speakers, and even broadband services. I don't exactly fancy huge crowds. It's so hard to walk!

There was this guy walking in front of me and he was wearing jeans. The funny thing about his jeans was that they were frayed at the end. And they actually swept the carpet as he walked. I don't know what to call jeans like that. We have bell-bottom, straight-cut, boot-cut, so his was probably must-cut.

You know why I said that? Cuz I accidentally stepped on the frayed part of his jeans. It was jagged and uneven and very distracting. And it looked like it had been stepped on many times before. Anyway, the guy nearly fell down. I said sorry and continued walking. Then one minute later, someone else stepped on his jeans too. This time, he looked annoyed already. I heard him mumble to himself, "My jeans very nice to step meh?"

Quite. :)

After the PC Fair thing, I went to Annora's place and slept over. We talked all sorts of random stuff that night. From Jessie Chung cookies to Christmas and cameras and boys. Haha. Fun fun fun. If you don't know who Jessie Chung is (like Annora and Gloria who had no idea), just google him/her up.
Yes. It's a him/her.

I still can't get over Gloria's blonde moment last night XD (Sorry Gloria. I just feel like posting this.) She took my ipod and started turning it over, and then she asked, "Is this real?"

Lmao!
I still love you Gloria.
Lmao!

And I'd better get to bed right now. Have you noticed, that when I blog late at night, I tend to talk nonsense. Like this. Haha. Goodnight people ;)

Thursday, December 11, 2008

December 10th

Yesterday was a busy, busy day.

In the morning, I went for my driving exam - again. It was my second time. I prayed hard for a nicer, kinder tester because my previous one was Mr Bulldog, remember? My instructor told me not to worry this time, because it wasn't likely that I'd get the same tester anyway. So I went to get my number - 3J (3's my favorite number) and I had a feeling that something extraordinary was gonna happen today, because getting my favorite number was like good luck or something. Lol. There were 7 testers. I spotted Mr Bulldog in one of the cars, and I prayed that I wouldn't get him.
Some other girl was called to his car, and I smiled to myself, thanking God that I wasn't chosen. Could you imagine what would've happened if he became my tester for the second time? Haha, I couldn't imagine that. I shuddered at that thought. Reject that negative thought, and be optimistic, I scolded myself.

I waited 15 minutes until I saw one of the cars driving back. It was Mr Bulldog and his victim. Okay. The man who was in charge of calling out the numbers was busy chatting with an instructor. As a result, Mr Bulldog became very impatient and started honking like mad. I knew that he wasn't in a good mood. Bummer, the next person to enter his car was certainly going to suffer. I looked around to see where the other testers were, but all of them were not back yet. Finally, the man hurried back to the microphone, looking embarrassed. As he opened his mouth to call the next number, I squeezed my hands together and just hoped with all my heart that he wouldn't say -

"3J?"
Shitttttt.
Remember, I said that if Mr Bulldog became my tester again, I would shoot myself. This was worse than suicide. This was like repeating a very bad nightmare.
At that moment, I actually wanted to trade numbers with the person beside me. Lol. Desperado.
The man called my number again. Mr Bulldog honked loudly. I had no choice.
Feebly, I stood up and walked over to the car. God. This has got to be a joke. I don't believe it.
But I told myself that I was going to make things different, this time round. I smiled at him when I saw him.
Me: Hey. Good morning.
Him: Ohh. Good morning.
Me: Do you remember me?
Him: Errr no... I took you before?
Me: Yeaaa. Last week. I remember you.
Him: Ohh *looking embarrassed* sorry ah. Too many students. I tend to forget.

He was just pretending. Anyway, I talked to him the whole time. He surprised me by replying conversationally and soon, we were chatting from our hometowns to SPM and high school days to families, holidays and Christmas. I had to be random. He even talked photography with me. Lol. We were discussing on DSLR prices for a bit. As I was driving back to the school, I forgot to put the signal. He pointed that out to me in an impatient tone. When he gave me the result slip, I was afraid to look.
Me: Did I pass or fail?
Him: What do you think?
I looked at the slip. And then I couldn't control it anymore.

"OMG. I passed! :)" how idiotic of me. Lol.
"Yeah. Take it as an early Christmas present." he told me. I thanked him several times and said BYE a few times. Hahaha. It went something like this:

Me: thank you!
Him: ok. drive carefully.
Me: yes. thanks again. bye
Him: Merry Christmas.
Me: thanks you too. bye
Him: Bye.
Me: Bye.
pffttt. I know. When I'm excited, I just babble.



That afternoon, I went to One U to meet a couple of people that I haven't met in months. Ming Zen came back from Australia. And his adorable sister too. Lol. Then we watched Twilight.

Most guys said the movie was cheesy. But most girls said the movie was fantastic!
I thought it was quite romantic. =) I liked how the main actor went all out to save the girl.
He's Cedric Diggory all grown up. Some scenes from the movie reminded me of "The Covenant" (2005). If you haven't read the book, you should watch this movie. If you've already read the book, just pretend like you haven't and go watch it too.

For dinner, I went out with my family to Sunway Mentari, which is just opposite Sunway Pyramid. We ate at Buffalo. One of the dishes that my brother ordered was Escargots baked in creamy cheese sauce. In my translation, that's "disgusting slimy stuff in cheese."

Lol. I'll be honest here. I used to think, "Who in the right mind would want to eat snails?" They're equivalent to worms, and I hate worms. I have a major phobia of worms and slimy creatures.


The escargots arrived. The snails were baked until they turned black. My family was enjoying it, while I refused to take a bite. I just couldn't. I kept picturing a live snail in my mouth. But eventually, I decided to just go ahead and try it. So I did.
You know what it tasted like? It tasted like . . . mushroom. I'm serious. So if you don't like mushrooms, don't bother eating escargots. They're not any better.

(Eww I just ate a snail. It's in my tummy. I better not get constipation.)

Then I popped by Subang Parade for a while to get an iPod charger (the one with 2 pins). The last time I checked, the guy told me it was Rm30. Yesterday, the ladyboss said it was Rm60.
"Last time, your staff said it was only Rm30." I told her firmly.
She looked a little embarrassed. "Ohh.. ok. I can give it to you for RM30. Errm now we're actually having a discount that's why."

So if I hadn't asked, she wouldn't have said anything. =.= That's not a very ethical way to do business.

And guess what? I finally got my darling purple iPod! :) Thanks MZ.
It's actually kinda bluish under bright light. I noticed that most of the ipods appear darker than they do on the website. Lol. But the sound system is great, and it's just perfect. My very first iPod. =)

iLike :)

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Kids and Politics

Since politics is a rising issue these days, I think kids should be educated about the famous political leaders and those massive haywire ones, like Saddam and Osama, too. In the future, everyone will be talking about politics. And kids deserve to know about them, although they're still kids.
Just so they don't end up embarrassing themselves or their parents in public next time.


My cousin (yes, its the same 7-yr-old cousin) got his dad to buy him those two action figures last week. Seriously, don't they look like Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein?
Me: Is that Osama? *points to the one on the left*
MK: Huh?
ME: You don't know Osama?
MK: *silence* Is he from India?

You see my point? :)

On a different note, my friend has 3 Air Asia tickets to HONG KONG and is selling them away for RM500 each. The flight leaves on 27th April 2009 and returns on the 1st May 2009.

So if you haven't been to Hong Kong, this could be your chance! :) The price is quite reasonable.

If you're interested, let me know and I'll notify my friend for you.

Friday, December 05, 2008

Movie Review: TAKEN

And no, I'm not referring to the Sci-Fi movie by Steven Spielberg in 2002. That was a different movie alltogether.


TAKEN


This movie was filmed in USA and France, and it ventures into the life of a concerned father whose love for his only daughter exceeds his own life. Being the only child of her divorced parents, Kim (played by Maggie Grace) has finally celebrated her 17th birthday and is looking forward to travel with her good friend Amanda to Europe. Her mother doesn't oppose, but her father, Bryan (played by Liam Neeson) becomes extremely worried and almost reluctant to let her go. In the end, he agrees to her request and returns home after sending her off at the airport with a heavy heart.

The minute Kim and Amanda arrive in France, that's when all the trouble starts. And Bryan who worked as a spy for the US government, has to acquire all the skills that he used in his job to save his daughter, who has been kidnapped and is in for something much worse than ransom.

This movie takes you past the beautiful buildings of France, and into the dark, dingy alleys where young girls linger on the pavements, clad in barely nothing and shamelessly flirting with men who pass by. You get what I mean. As a father, Bryan is willing to do everything it takes to retrieve his daughter from the brutal slave trade, even if it means risking his own life to find her.


I'm not going to be a spoiler and tell you the whole story; that's for YOU to find out ;)

Out of 5, this movie deserves 4 stars for its impeccable storyline and dynamic action scenes. Really reminds me of those James Bond movies.

Movie type: Action/ Crime/ Drama/ Thriller

PS: It's not out in the cinemas yet, and won't be... not until next year.
PPS: That's when downloading comes in handy :)

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

The Driving Exam

I went for my driving exam today with June. At least we had each other, or it would've been really boring being there all by ourselves. It was held at our driving school in Sri Muda, Shah Alam.
The exam is divided into 2 main parts:
part a: Slope, parking, 3-pointer
part b: The Road

We had to go through the common procudures when we got there. All the students taking the exam were given a number, and then we had to wait until our numbers were called. The JPJ testers would then direct us where to go; part a or part b.

My number was 7. It's one of my favorite numbers, but did that mean I was in luck?
Well, I was about to find out...

From the waiting area where June and I sat, we saw other students on the slope, and most of them were having a bad time. First, they had to drive the car up the slope and stop with their front tires on the yellow line. Then, they had to do the whole balancing thing with the clutch and accelerator and that's when it got really tricky. Most of them didn't manage to do it successfully and they rolled backwards instead. They failed just like that. Rm150 gone.

The longer I watched, the more nervous I became. June went first. She did well. Finally, it was my turn. My heart was practically jumping out of my chest. When I got into the car, I said a silent prayer and hoped I'd do okay.

A: The Slope
When it was my turn to move, I inched the car toward the slope and gunned the accelerator until I was at the top. My mind told me to stop, so I obeyed. Once I'd pulled up the handbrake and freed the gear, I poked my head out of the window to check my front tire, and I realized that if I had stopped about a second earlier, I wouldn't have made it. Timing is everything. I did the balancing and rolled forward. Phew, okay. One down, two more to go.

A: The Parking
Side parking wasn't as scary as the slope. The JPJ tester told me to wait outside Box #2 because there was a woman doing her parking inside. So I patiently waited. That's when something amusing happened.
She parked her car nicely in the yellow line, and then raised her right arm to signify that she was ready to move out. So the JPJ tester said, "OK. You can go out now."
Obviously he meant that she could drive out of the box and proceed to the next step.
But the woman opened the door and stepped out of the car, much to his surprise.
"What the hell are you doing?!" he yelled at her.
"You asked me to come out wat." she replied, smiling sheepishly.
"No!! I asked you get the car out of the box, not get out of the car!"
"Oh! Oh sorry. I thought.. hahhaa I thought..." by now she was laughing feebly and the tester was shaking his head. So she went back into the car, but as she was trying to drive out, she accidentally knocked a couple of those sticks down.
This time, the tester really asked her to get out of the car. An instructor had to come and drive her car away before I could start. Then I figured that since I'm alone in the car, I might as well make full use of my phone by blasting some music. Music helps me relax =)

A: The 3-pointer
The tester heard music coming from my car, so he came to check. I was so scared he was going to penalize me for having some music in the background. You don't know these JPJ people. They could penalize you for anything.
"Amoi, you cannot have music while you're doing the exam. It's considered a distraction. That's why all our radios are not working, you see. Therefore, I have to fail you."
Hahaha. Of course he didn't say that! But who knows, right? So I did the 3-pointer as quickly as possible. The minute I saw him coming over to check, I hit reverse and the car moved away from him. Lol. After I eased out of there, I passed =) Hehehe.

B: The Road
The exam route consisted of 4 roundabouts, a couple of traffic lights and lots and lots of pitholes. So every now and then, I had to carefully avoid a large hole in the road because if I ran over it, the car would jerk unpleasantly and my tester would get so pissed off that he'd fail me straight away. (That's what my instructor told me) I told you these testers are really mean! Most of them are, anyway.
When I got into the car, my tester was this Malay guy, probaly in his mid 40s. He didn't seem very friendly. I said "Good morning, sir" and he mumbled back "Morning." And he never said anything else. Unlike most testers, he didn't ask any questions, or make any minor chitchat. In fact, he looked like a bulldog. Not his face, but his expression. Haha, or maybe both. He was like a timebomb, just waiting to go off any second.

At one point, I made my first mistake by moving into the right-hand-side lane because there were so many buses parked on the left lane that they ate up most of the road. Later, I tried to cut back into the left lane but there were too many cars, so I just remained driving on the same lane. Then he exploded.
"Why are you driving on this lane?? Shouldn't you be driving on the left lane?!! This lane is for people who drive fast! You drive so slow - you should be on the left lane!!!"
I was driving at 40 km/h. Okay, fine. That's slow if you want to drive on the right-hand-side. I wanted to explain that I had intended to cut into the left lane, but I figured that I shouldn't say much because he would think I'm trying to argue. 0.o So I kept quiet. And he kept quiet the rest of the way too. I avoided the pitholes, did whatever I'd been taught throughout my previous lessons and just hoped for the best.

So I drove back into the school and stopped at where we begun. He was busy writing some stuff on the paper. Then he passed it to me and asked me to sign it. It was my result slip.
Gingerly, I looked up and asked what I already had in mind. "So... I failed?"
He confirmed it by nodding his head sadly.
Then he pointed at my paper. 13/20. The passing mark was 16.
I didn't know what to say. My brain wasn't exactly processing the words properly.
So he suddenly took on a gentler tone and began to explain to me where I went wrong. I don't believe it - he added extra mistakes for me in there! But anyway, I shut up and let him talk. Suddenly he sounded like a concerned tuition teacher. "So when you come back next time, remember all your weak areas yeah. Don't do it again. Go back and get some more practice okay."
Despite what I was feeling inside, I forced myself to smile and say "Okay. Thanks." very politely, and then he smiled (FIRST TIME. Bugger.) and I left the car. I had a feeling he was seriously enjoying this. Later on, I learned that he failed everyone under him, except the ones who bribed. What an effing money face. Urgh.

On the other hand, June passed her road test. She's a good driver. And she also landed a really nice tester. It was his first time today, and he told her that he had passed everyone under him, except a girl who nearly hit a taxi. So June told him about me, that I failed. And he said, "Aiyah. How unlucky. If I was her tester, I would've probably let her pass. Minor mistakes are nothing as long as the student can drive."

OMG! Why wasn't my tester like that?! Even my instructor said this when I told him who my tester was:
Aiyo. Of all the testers, yours was the worst. So unlucky.

Wow. Was that to make me feel better or what? Lol.

Anyway, it's over and done with. I've got another shot at it.. next week. And this time, I'll have to go alone. Gawd, it's gonna be so boring.
Oh well. I really hope I'll land myself a nice tester. If I open the car and see Mr. Bulldog's face again, I'll shoot myself.