Regrets

I’m 19 years old.

My life hasn’t been smooth-sailing all the time. Like many others, I’ve faced my own problems, dealt with stress, pushed myself through obstacles... and I’m still learning to run this marathon properly.

I’ve had my share of regrets. There were so many things I wished I could change. Regrets burn a hole into your conscience, taunting you about the past. The worst thing about regrets is knowing that you can never take them back.

Out of pride, I refused to settle a minor dispute with a good friend until it turned too sour beyond repair, and our friendship of three years went down the drain just like that. Things were not the same ever since.

I gave my heart to a guy when I was 16, only to have it broken 2 months later. I spent half the year trying to nurse it back.

I wasn't fully prepared for my SAT exam. Therefore, my results were not satisfactory.

I took my first two semesters at college for granted. My CGPA dipped below 3.0 and I spent the next few semesters trying to bring it up.

I have said and done things that brought so much hurt to my parents; and I truly regret that. I may apologize, but I cannot fully erase the pain I’ve caused them.

I turned down good opportunities because I was scared of the changes. Maybe I wasn't sure of my chances. I could've scored something big, but I wouldn't know because I did not step out.

I am not very expressive. Maybe even a little passive. I wished I wasn't.

I thought I had all the time in the world to spare. So I took plenty of things for granted.

I have had 19 years to live. I don’t know how many more years God has in store for me. All I know is that I want to spend the rest of my life trying to live a life without regrets.

Who is to say that regrets are inevitable? That mistakes happen beyond your control? Yes, certain things may be beyond your control; but mistakes are not.

We make mistakes, not knowing that they would end up being mistakes. Mistakes lead to regrets, which were formulated from decisions. Those decisions came from choices. And we made those choices.

And choices come with consequences. Whenever you make one, you gotta be prepared for the consequences. Someone's got to be held responsible.

I don’t see the point in blaming other people for my mistakes. After all, what are they supposed to do about it? And what can they do about it? The only person left to take the burden of the blame is ME. Me, myself and I. Because only I know where I went wrong, and what I have to do about it.

The hardest thing to do when you’ve made a mess is picking things up where you left them.

It’s like piecing a broken vase back together; you know that even after you’ve reconstructed the vase, it won’t look the way it first looked when you bought it from the shop. The cracked lines will serve as a permanent memory of the accident. It’s irreversible.

Okay, I have regretted many things. Who hasn’t?

Like it or not, my past has made me who I am.

I wouldn’t say that I am glad I made those mistakes, but I can’t deny that they served a simple purpose: they taught me new lessons and I will hold on to those lessons for as long as I live.

It may be too late to go back into the past and erase the damage. But it’s never too late to put the damage behind and move forward, and learn from my mistakes so I won’t end up repeating the history I tried so hard to forget.

I cannot promise myself that I’ll be a perfect person, living a perfect life with the perfect decisions.

But I can promise myself that I’ll learn to be more careful, to be not too selfish or too selfless, to be more thoughtful, less fearful, and to live a life with joy.