Basking in the sun by the cool waters. Drowning out the numerous conversations circulating the deck with music in my ears. Snacking on cajun peanuts and sipping on cold beverage. Letting time pass slowly and peacefully, without a care in the world.
Life is good. Too good.
And I'm starting to think I don't deserve this. I don't deserve to relax, to watch Desperate Housewives all day, to eat to my heart's content, to sleep until noon, to enjoy the freedom and relaxation that comes with this long summer break.
When I was drowning in assignments last semester, I yearned for this break. Summer was all I really wanted. I didn't have any major plans yet, but I knew for sure that I'd be free of crazy assignments. For once, I'd be able to sit back and catch up on all the movies, TV shows and books I'd missed. I'd be able to catch up on all the sleep I'd sacrificed too.
But after a few weeks of tasting freedom at its best, the laid-back lifestyle is stirring some guilt in me. I find myself looking for things to worry about, such as my summer plans. I don't have everything sorted out yet, but I'm sure I'll figure them out somehow, one way or the other. The anticipation makes me nervous.
And then I worry that I'm taking my summer for granted. I fear I'm just wasting the days away with mindless activities. If I strive for productivity, I may disappoint myself.
But everyone else is telling me to just enjoy the moment.
"It's okay to bum around and just chill out. You've had a long semester and this is your break. You deserve it. Do what you want. Have a lazy day." That's what they say.
I think I've had enough lazy days. I mean, I enjoy bumming. But I don't think I could do it continuously for the next few months. However, maybe I need to loosen up just a little and learn to appreciate the freedom and bliss before they fade away, like all moments do.
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