Where'd The Inner Chef Go?

"Do you cook a lot?" Gloria asked me this morning during one of our monthly Skype sessions (she's in Australia).

I rolled that question over my mind for a few seconds before answering, "Not as often as I used to."

When I lived on campus, I used to cook real food like pasta, fried rice, Japanese curry with potato cubes and sliced carrots, fancy ramen (fried ramen coupled with vegetables, eggs and meat), bacon spaghetti, chicken curry, and more. I never ventured out to cook authentic cultural dishes like nasi lemak, chow kuey teow, pan mee and other stuff that I missed from home, but I was able to fill my tummy each night with the simple things.

The fact that I had roommates actually motivated me to cook almost every day. Sometimes I'd cook for them too. When I went to live with Rob and Dina over the weekend, I'd cook for them and Rob used to joke about how he hated the preparation process, of having to dice carrots and marinate the meat and all that. You prepare for an hour, and you finish the meal in 10 minutes. I told him I didn't mind preparing or cooking, and I really didn't, because it was worth it when people were around to appreciate my food.

Living alone in NYC has changed a lot of things. Because I don't have anyone to cook for apart from myself, I don't feel the urge to make a nice meal. I can settle for the easy stuff. Cooking feels like a chore. I don't know where my inner chef disappeared to. It all started when I did my first fashion internship a few months ago. I would get home around 7.30 PM, exhausted from a long day at work (and the hour-long commute contributed to my laziness too) and the last thing I wanted to do was cook. So I'd reach for the quickest thing that would fill me up: a bowl of cereal or ramen. 

I know that fringes on a very unhealthy lifestyle, so I'm trying to cut down on ramen and cereals for dinner. I thought I'd give salads a shot, despite my lack of enthusiasm for raw lettuces. During my last grocery trip, I bought fresh vegetables, honey roasted almonds, croutons and some tuna. Still not a huge fan of salads... but they're way healthier than ramen.

Every now and then, I pick up the spatula and produce a simple dish that isn't ramen. Just before I sat down to blog about this, I made spaghetti with garlic, eggs and leftover vodka sauce. It was surprisingly good. It won't earn a Michelin star, but it's good enough.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I used to enjoy cooking. Not anymore. Maybe things will change. Maybe one day I'll find my inner chef again.