Twice in Three Days

I've hit the jackpot.

I've already been through public humiliation twice since two days ago, and it's only the third day of the week. Ironically, both incidents occurred in the library.

Embarrassment #1:
I have always wanted - and still want - a MacBook. Until last week, I learned that my campus library lends MacBooks to students within the library premises. So on Monday, I borrowed a sleek MacBook at the counter and roamed the crowded library until I found a nice spot, which coincidentally turned out to be in the middle of the library. I was sitting among groups of students who were either doing homework, reading or surfing sites on their computers. Either way, it was so silent that every sound was amplified: the clicking of mouses, the irregular punching of keys on the keyboard, the occasional squeak of the chair, the muffled shuffling as someone shifted in his seat.

I was surfing Tumblr. I clicked on one of the blogs and all of a sudden, an acoustic rendition of Payphone pierced through the middle section of the library.

When something catches you off-guard, the world seems to move in slow motion. You're suddenly aware of everything that's happening to you. You're aware that beads of cold sweat are breaking across your forehead. You're aware of your heart pounding wildly in your chest. You're aware of the panic that attacks you, that holds you hostage for a good 10 seconds of so, before it releases you into the arms of shame.

Being unfamiliar with a Mac, I wasn't sure where the X button was. 

The music sliced through the silence, forcing heads to snap in my direction. I tried to ignore the heat of their gazes but I could already feel it creeping up my neck and spreading across my face, flushing my cheeks. 

All eyes were fixed on me as they watched me struggle to close the window of the site that had produced such a disruption. 

I cringed. I froze. I uttered the first thing that popped into my head that summed up everything I was feeling: "Shit."

Yes, I was in deep shit. I couldn't get the dang site to close! Where was that X button? 

My fingers roamed the metallic mousepad as my eyes trained on the screen, hunting for the X. I glanced down at the keyboard, the shiny black keys emblazoned with a purplish glow around the edges - and thought of finding the mute button. But the music was getting louder and the stares were growing heavier, and I did not dare to look up.

Panic sometimes causes your brain to freeze. It distorts your focus. All you see is the problem. Despite the solution flashing in front of your face, sometimes you just don't see it. 

My eyes glazed over the X button several times on the screen, but I didn't see it. Not until the singer reached the end of the first line, did I finally find the X button. I clicked it. The music stopped abruptly. Soon, students shifted their attentions back to their books and computers and cellphones, but the awkwardness still hung in the air, like the bitter burnt smell after a fire. 

Embarrassment #2:

What happened today was just awful. 

I was walking across the polished floor of the library, past an army of students who were seated behind flat-screen computers.There were at least 50 students all typing away. And my shoes were making these awkward clicking sounds as I passed the threshold. It resonated louder than the clicking of keyboard keys. I was a little embarrassed that my shoes were making such a loud noise, so I decided to walk a little faster. 

I did not see the small puddle of water on the floor.

And that's when it happened: the gravity-defying moment that caught me offguard. First, I felt the fraction between the floor and my feet disppearing. My heart sank and buried itself in my stomach the moment I understood what was happening. Then my mind screamed "NO!" but manifested itself as a weak gasp from my lips. I was falling, and there was nothing I could do to prevent it. There was nothing to grab on to. I landed in a very awkward position and just sat on the floor for a good two seconds or so, all the time cursing myself for being such a klutz. Someone asked if I was okay. I forced a smile and got back up, managing a "Yeah, I just wore the wrong shoes today" and carried on walking as though it never happened. I was aware of people's eyes on my back, of whispers that were probably circulating around. 

Talk about major public slip ups.

Sometimes, shit just happens.