"You're such a happy go lucky person, aren't you? How I wish I'm half of you!"
Gosh! :) It's the coolest thing anyone's said to me all week. I'm really glad some people still see optimism in me. That tweet caught me by surprise, because honestly, optimism was the last thing on my mind when I struggled the last few weeks just to remain sane.
I was under so much stress - mostly self-imposed stress - that I was slipping away day by day until I became a shell without a soul, just a husk of who I used to be.
I wasn't sleeping well, and I had so many deadlines to meet all at once. On top of that, I was stressed about my job search and apartment hunting, and I was just feeling overwhelmed with everything that was going on. I also struggled with concentrating and remembering things.
People would ask me, "So what did you do today?" and instead of responding right away like a normal person, I would actually have to comb through my thoughts for 10 seconds to remember what I did, because half the time, I couldn't remember what I did. I was so distracted.
I didn't feel like myself. I lost the interest to communicate. I moved like a zombie. I became apathetic. I stopped caring. There were brief moments when I couldn't see the point in trying.
I was able to meet all my deadlines and perform well in classes, but I wasn't happy. I worked like a machine - I'd pour all my energy into my assignments, sacrificing sleep and free time, and whenever I had a couple hours to relax, guilt would creep into my conscience for watching TV or just "chilling." At the back of my mind, I still had a long list of things to do, and I kept telling myself I was wasting precious time on pointless activities. I had a chat with my mom yesterday and she told me I was pushing myself too hard. She wasn't the first to say it. See, I didn't understand why people were always telling me that. But now I do.
Everything was taking a toll on me physically, emotionally and socially. Happiness slowly became an illusion. I immersed myself in TV shows, food, shopping because they made me forget about my problems for a while, but that was what they were: temporary.
Thankfully, one morning I woke up and realized that happiness - true happiness - can't be chased. It has to be created. And we're capable of creating our own happiness because all of us have it in ourselves, we just need to discover it. Sometimes, we forget about it when things get rough. We forget what it feels like to be genuinely happy, to laugh without holding back and to dance in the rain.
If not for the constant support of my loved ones and His grace in my life, I would still be stuck in that dark hole. I began to see that it doesn't take much to be really happy. Happiness is a choice. As cheesy as it sounds, it's true. It's all about counting your blessings.
When life gets hard, count your blessings. Think of all the people who have your back. Think of all the things that made you smile this week - even little things. Think of where you were 5 years ago and how you have grown. Think of how far you've come in life, think of all the people you've met, think of all the opportunities you've been given.
Listen to the slow rhythm of your breathing, and rejoice in the truth that you've been given another day to cherish and live the one life you were blessed with.
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