Fortunate to Fly

I had the privilege to travel the west coast with my family. In December, they flew to the States for my graduation and the day after my graduation, we hopped on the plane to Los Angeles and stayed there for 4 days before moving on to San Francisco. From San Francisco, we made a quick trip to Las Vegas. In Vegas, we boarded a tour bus to the Grand Canyon in Arizona, then headed back to Vegas, and the next evening, flew back to San Francisco. Our long, adventure-filled family holiday came to an end yesterday. They're currently on their way home to Malaysia as I'm writing this. I came back to Arkansas last night and am thankful to be staying with the Neals, my second family.

 It wasn't easy saying goodbye to my family, after all the great times we'd shared together throughout those fun-filled weeks of traveling. The last time I'd seen them was in the summer of 2011, when I flew back to Malaysia for three months before returning to Arkansas to finish my final year of college. The first time I flew to the States was 2010, and that was really hard for me because I didn't want to say goodbye to them. I'd grown up under the shelter of my parents' wings for a long time. I depended on them for strength and wisdom. They were my mentors; they nurtured me and guided me through every moment in life.

So leaving my home and my family behind was a terribly painful thing to do - not only was I afraid, I was uncertain that I'd be fine on my own. They were concerned for me too. Of course, the first few months by myself in a foreign country wasn't totally easy, but as time went by, I got accustomed to the new culture and learned to adapt to my surroundings. I also learned to step out of my shell and embrace the unknown. I still depended on my parents for support, but I soon realized I was able to make big decisions on my own and rely on my judgment. I was able to handle important matters concerning myself without relying too much on my parents. 

I was becoming more independent, and I was proud of myself for this. The environment coaxed me out of my shell. I didn't think I was capable of it, but time proved me wrong. 

When I saw my family again in December, I was overwhelmed. I hadn't seen them in over a year. It was an emotional moment for all of us as we huddled together in a tight embrace, each of us trying to stifle our tears. I was able to feel the warmth of their hugs and smell their familiar scents on their shoulders. I didn't have to go home to feel at home - home had come to me.

 I remember hugging my mom at the airport, thinking how lucky I was to be able to hold her in my arms again and how I wish I didn't have to let go. I knew time was running out because in a couple of weeks, they'd be on the plane back to Malaysia and I'd be on my own again. 

During the trip, while they depended on me for navigating and organizing the trip, I depended on them for comfort and strength. Once again, I felt like that scared girl at the brink of leaving her home. I'd forgotten what it was like to trust my parents with the tough decisions. It was nice having them around as familiar pillars of strength.

 So when they left, I was hit with that same void of fear. Not knowing what my future would be like. Not knowing if I'd make the right decisions concerning my employment and living situation. Not knowing if I'd make it in the real world. Suddenly I wanted my parents to help me with the big decisions so I wouldn't have to make them myself. 

But I knew there was only so much they could do. The rest of it was up to me. It was my future, and I had to call the shots. Before they left, my dad told me, "No matter what happens. We will always support you."

Just two days ago, we were having breakfast together as a family at a Chinese restaurant in San Francisco. We joked around and talked about the rest of the plans for our final day in the city. And yesterday, I hugged them goodbye before watching them fade into the line of people at the security checkpoint. The moment I turned and walked away, I knew I was on my own again. I'm not sure when I'll see them again. It could be 6 months or longer. Maybe even a year.

I'm really grateful that my parents chose to support my decision to study in America. They released me into the realms of this country, one so far and different from the one I grew up in. By doing so, they allowed me to find my own wings. I'd been living under the comfort of their loving wings for so long that I never had to use my own. This discovery led to a fresh sense of determination and courage that fueled a lot of my decisions.

I was fine on my own and I will continue to be. I've graduated and now a whole new world awaits me. I haven't found a job yet, but I'll keep looking. I don't know where this new journey will take me, but I'll have to keep going to find out. 

It's time to lift those wings again and fly.