The Price of New York

Hello. I've lived in New York for three months now. Contrary to popular belief, New York isn't just a big city; it's a world that dances to its own rhythm, a twisted cacophony punctuated by blaring sirens.

It's a concrete jungle crafted for the strongest individuals. For most people, every day is a selfish race for survival. I'm saddened by the escalating amount of homeless and crazy people in this city. New York is densely overpopulated and many are getting laid off due to the dip in economy. Some of them force themselves to rise up and try again, while others turn to the streets and put their lives at mercy of strangers' feet. And the worst part? People have seen too much, they actually find comfort in turning a blind eye to the misery that revolves around them. So they avoid it altogether like a disease.

In a city that functions on a meticulous schedule, time is extremely precious. Every minute counts. People zip through crowds and race down flights of stairs just so they can catch the 6PM train because the next train will cost them 5 more minutes of mindless waiting. Missing one train means missing the next bus or the next train, and it's usually a problem when you're riding on someone else's time. It's a domino effect.

It still feels like yesterday when I blogged about moving to this city. I remember the anxiety that lingered for weeks when I moved here. Despite shifting into my new cozy apartment in Queens and settling into the neighborhood, I didn't feel totally at ease until mid-March. I guess you could say I was homesick for quite a while.

Transitioning to a new city isn't the same as transferring to a new school, like when I arrived in America two and a half years ago as a foreign transfer student and I was automatically enrolled in classes that kept me busy. Needless to say, student life was much easier. Despite my frequent complaints regarding deadlines, intense workloads and noisy neighbors, my main goal was pretty easy: study hard, ace my classes and graduate.

My goal in New York was different. I was no longer a student at a university, but a fresh graduate with minimal experience in my field (only a few internships riding on my back) trying to break into one of the most competitive industries in the country. The main reason I came to New York was to score a job or an internship that aligned with the requirements of my work visa. (lots of legal properties to consider when you're an international student here)

The comfortable carpet was pulled from beneath my feet, and I found myself in a foreign city that seemed so much bigger and scarier. I thought going to a foreign country for school was a step into the real world. Well, technically it was, since I was brushing new grounds with fresh feet that hadn't traveled this far. Soon I began to understand what it meant to be in the "real world."

They say that in the real world, people are mean, money doesn't come easy and you have to fend for yourself because no one is going to watch your back for you. New York is the real world. It was here that I learned to tap into the real essence of independence.

I didn't have an adviser to sit down with me and give me advice on what to do and how to get there, unlike in college. On the bright side, God was good. He sent people I could turn to for help when needed, but for the most part, I was pretty much on my own in this new journey as I struggled to establish my balance in the buzz of this big city.

Speaking to several people in New York, I noticed a pattern rising through their stories. Each of them was drawn to this city for the energy and enthusiasm that New York had to offer. Everyone wanted a taste of the Big Apple. I saw a little bit of myself in them, and a little bit of them in me. Although we had different career priorities, we weren't very much different at all. At the end of the day, we came to New York for similar reasons: we were soaked up with the perks of this city before we even moved here. We brought fresh determinism to the table, thinking our willpower was strong enough to get us through the toughest times.

But living in New York comes at a price, and it's not just the expensive rent and living expenses.

Chelsea* was a model from Seattle who moved to New York three weeks ago because she scored a deal with a modeling agency here. She was housed in a models' apartment, and based on the way she described it (six girls in a one-bedroom apartment), it didn't seem very exciting. Unless you're hooked up with the right connections, modeling isn't as glamorous as the media paints it to be, especially when you're a new model trying to break into the NYC scene. You're up against, say, a million other girls as good as you, all vying for the same dream.

Weri* came about three years ago, but still struggles in the friendship department. Nobody really has the time to chat. Nobody really wants to. You go to a cafe, you get your coffee and isolate yourself in a corner. You could try to start a conversation on a crowded subway, but it'd be tough finding someone who cares. Everyone's a skeptic and will judge you for being too friendly. So when it comes to mingling, you have to choose the right place, time and person for that. And frankly, not everyone has the time to cultivate a friendship while riding on a subway. It's funny how you can be in one of the most populated cities in the world, and still feel all alone. That being said, New York is a society structured on individualism.

They tasted the Big Apple and realized it wasn't as sweet as they'd hoped it would be. It was more bitter than they imagined. The only reason they haven't moved elsewhere is because they like the lifestyle and the liberty that New York accentuates. It's the reason they came, and it's the reason they stayed.

New York is easily admired for everything the movies and novels depict it to be - a vibrant world of swirling colors, built on high culture and high fashion, polished with an endless array of shops and restaurants and exploding with so much talent and creativity. To a large extent, yes, it's fair to say that New York fits the profile of a great metropolis.

But it's not perfect. The way I see it, New York is shaped by its imperfections. Grungy subways. Impatient New Yorkers. Competitive minds. Rude (and I mean, really rude) vendors. Nowhere is ever perfect - every gorgeous city comes with a price and sometimes that price may be heftier than you think. For Weri, it came at the cost of a social life. For Chelsea, it nicked at her self-esteem.

But there is no place like New York, and that's what this city prides itself on. Dreams are fashioned long before the dreamers set foot in New York, and this boom town is the machine that churns most dreams into reality. You just have to let it happen.

Stanley* has lived here for more than a year, and he shared some of his experiences with me two weeks ago. I'll never forget what he said:

 "You might reach a point when you feel like everything's just falling apart and you're hitting rock bottom. It's okay, this city does that to people. It makes you feel like crap sometimes, and you start to question what you're doing here and whether you should stay. At that point, you might even be tempted to pack up and leave. Many people give up and just leave because it's so much easier that way. But if you just learn to hang in there, it'll get better. Things will pick up, and before you know it, the rough patch will smooth out. You'll have a new sense of love and appreciation for the city, more than you did when you first started out."

He's right.

My perception of New York hasn't changed too much. I still think it's a wonderful city bursting at the seams with so much life and culture. It's a fascinating place to be in. It's one of a kind.

I'll admit there are days when I feel trapped in this crazy cycle and I worry if I made the right choice coming here. I love the city, but I have to commute 45 minutes to work, and when I get out of the office I'm exhausted and just ready to go home. It's a routine that repeats itself every single day (except Wednesdays, that's when I'm off). I just feel physically and emotionally drained half the time. I wish there was an instant remedy for that.

If you asked me whether my move to New York was worth it, I'd still say yes. I'm gaining a deeper sense of independence each day, a trait I'm actually proud of because my timid self never thought I'd make it on my own. I'm trying to grow through the tough times and I'm cherishing the good ones. After all, nothing comes easy. And the only way to grow is through experience and time.

If I could go back in time and change the course of things, I'd still choose to come here. There are a lot of things I regret in life, but moving to New York (as outlandish as it seemed back then) certainly isn't one of them. It's the one crazy thing I'm glad I did!